© Ayo Omolayo
“Please my hands are hurting me!” I yelled.
The nurse was not ready to listen to whatever I had to say. I had been tied to the bed like a lunatic. I’m not mad for crying out loud. I only saw what others didn’t see. Why are they keeping me here?
My confinement in that hospital was driving me crazy. I had tricked the nurse with my tears and gotten myself loosed. Soon I wanted to escape at all costs. I was angry I was back into the psychiatric hospital. I just wanted to get out.
So, I stood up and told the nurse I was leaving. I guess everything in that place was arranged. As I opened the door and came out, I regretted it.
The hands that grabbed me Ehn! Oh my goodness! I almost shouted, “Please I’m a lady!”
They almost broke me into pieces with their firm grip. I screamed and told them I was okay.
“Don’t handle me like a rogue! Handle me with care! I’m the CEO of Kolapo production company!” I yelled.
“We know!” They answered.
“How come you know and you’re treating me like this?”
“Almost every mad person here is a CEO”, one of the men said and dragged me roughly to the bed.
To make matters worse, the way I was tied at first was heavenly, compared to the way I was tied now.
I remembered when I first had this mental health challenge. I had super human strength. It took ten men to hold me down. These guys were insulting me. The old me would have dealt with them mercilessly. The only thing I didn’t like about my new condition was I didn’t have that super human strength like before.
“Back then, no one could withstand me. I was a champion, a fighter and a terror. You needed chains to bind me. Not these ropes. These ropes and these men are insults to my mad personality”, I said within me and smiled.
“Hmmm! I think her madness is getting worse!” One of the men said, observing I was smiling.
“Wait! What was I thinking? I can’t believe it! Was I bragging about how mad I was years ago? Cris, who did this to you? How did you get here?” I said as tears flowed down my cheeks.
“Nurse! Please! My wrists are killing me!” I called out to her admist tears.
“You knew you were not strong. You went ahead to fight someone stronger than you”, she said.
I looked at her with shocking written on my face. Does she know about me? That statement she made meant more to me that it was supposed to. Truth be told, I fought against someone I wasn’t powerful enough to defeat.
“Ma! Why did you say that?” I asked.
She paused and looked at me.
“Don’t ask me that question ask Mr Jonah!” She said and pointed to the other patient in the room with me.
My eyes widened in surprise. Mr Jonah! The man who told God no to his face and suffered for daring the Almighty.
I sighed. I felt like I was in hell. My wrists were hurting so bad. Who would help me now?
Soon, some of the words I had spoken came afresh in my heart.
“Aah! I’m finished ooo! Was God telling me that my gateman was my husband? Ha! God please don’t do this to me! I will repent of any sin I have committed. Please don’t humiliate me before men. Journalist and radio stations would announce it. TV stations would spread the news. I would become an object of riddicle.
So the only one God saw was a gateman? Not just a gateman, it’s my gateman. Wait so how are we going to live as husband and wife? As we’ll drive into the company, he’ll step down and open the gate for me. So all these while that God was telling me he was going to give me the best husband in the world. It was my gateman he was referring to. Abomination!
Weldone! You gave me a gateman and because I rejected him, you went and report me to my mentor. I hope you also told her what you did? I hope you told her that you were marrying me to a gateman?”
I began to cry. I remembered that night I sat on the bed in my mentor’s house and gave God a pet name.
I called him Sweet Daddy! He teased me and we laughed together. He called me his pretty Ebony! While he taught me the word, he called me a smart girl. He said I was his angel! He said I was his baby girl!”
I sniffed and shook my head in regret.
“How did I get here? I was in the best relationship in the whole world. I was daddy’s pride. I was the one who put smiles on his face. Now look at what has become of me.
I opened my mouth and wanted to call him daddy.
“Who is your daddy? You’re such an unworthy soul. How many times would you keep breaking his heart? You have broken his heart countless times.
Everytime, God I’m sorry! God I’m sorry! God I’m sorry! When are you going to stop being sorry!” Came a voice inside my head.
“Will God ever forgive someone like me? I have taken his grace for granted. I have spat on his face! I have betrayed my lover with a kiss!”
“Yes and you have also sold him for 30 pieces of silver. You traded Jesus for Harry! Now harry had failed.
Cris! You don’t deserve God anymore. All this I’m sorry! I’m sorry is too much. He’ll not listen to any rubbish you have to say.
Did he warn you through a dream?” Asked this strange arrogant voice.
“Yes”, I answered.
“Did he use your mentor to warn you?”
“Yes he did”, I replied.
“Did you repent?”
“No”, I answered.
“See yourself? Your own don finish”.
I started crying afresh. I wept because God was so righteous. He loved me despite me filthiness. He forgave me countless times, when all u did was to fall and rise. He loved me enough to send so many anointed women of God, including Mummy Susan. Pastor Kunle, my mentor, my sister Sharon, my father-in-law and even my unregenerate uncle. They all spoke the mind of God to me.
What was my problem? Why can’t I just obey God for once? Why? What’s my problem? Why was I so stubborn? What did God not do for me?
I was a mentally retarded lady. He healed me. I gave my life to him and all I could keep doing was to hurt him. Why? Who does that?
“Daddy is there any hope for me?”
“There is no hope for a traitor like you!” Came that arrogant voice.
“You dared God! You opened your mouth and insulted a man of God. An anointed man of God for that matter. Your own has finished. Go and set your bed in order. Your life is over! You have pushed God to the wall, now pick one. Should you fall on him and be broken into pieces? Or should he fall on you and ground you into powder?”
I wept and wept.
“Daddy I’m sor….”
“Don’t say that!” The voice yelled at me.
“He has disowned you! You rejected him and now, he has rejected you.
I struggled to break free from the ropes. I was in pains. But the pains in my heart was more aching than the ones I felt on my hands.
“God please don’t abandon me!” I cried in frustration.
“MY PRETTY EBONY!” Came that gentle whisper I was so familiar with.
Just a word from him felt like all my pains disappeared. What happened? Did he just speak to me? What would make him speak to me?
“Shut up! God cannot speak to you. He has no business with a sinner like you. A stubborn and arrogant unrepentant soul like you. That was not God, it’s your mind decieving you. You’re talking to yourself and you think it’s God”.
Immediately, I remembered what Susan taught me about voices. No voice or thought is from me. I’m not a thinker but a listener. Whatever I think is a whisper from a spirit. And there are only two spirits that communicates with man. Either the spirit of God or an unclean spirit.
I was puzzled. Wait a minute! Does that mean God can still talk to me? Does that mean all hope is not lost?
“All hope is lost! Let’s face the reality Cris. You keep rising and falling all the time. Everytime you rise, you fall again. You rise again, you fall back. You eat vomit too much. You eat vomit everyday. Aren’t you tired? You cannot serve God anymore. Any little thing you fall.
Aren’t you tired? Just leave God alone, since all you do is to give him heart break. All the good you have to offer him is to backslide and fall. Just leave God alone. You cannot serve this God. He’s too demanding. He’s too heavy for you. Just allow him to stop making your life a mess. Stop him decieving yourself, you cannot serve this God”.
I remembered that bible study I had about grace. I remembered how it’s impossible to keep the law except God gave the grace.
“With God all things are possible!” Came the scripture.
“Cris that’s with God. Let’s face reality. We both know very well that the only thing you are good at, is rising and falling”, came that arrogant voice.
“Jude 1:24. Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy,
Verse 25. To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen”.
That was the scripture that came to my mind.
“Cris! If God could keep you from falling? Why did he allow you to fall?” The voice asked.
“I fell because I allowed myself to fall. God warned me in a dream, but I didn’t pay attention. That was exactly how Jesus warned Peter.
The Bible says, pray that you do not fall into temptation. That’s the key to overcoming temptation. I was supposed to pray that day, but I rushed out of the house.
That was how Peter was supposed to pray that night, but he was sleeping. That’s why I have been rising and falling.
“Cris! Even if you go back to God. What guarantee do you have that you would not fall again?”
I was confused. I didn’t know what else to say.
“Daddy please help me!” I called out.
“DO YOU THINK YOU CAN BEAT SATAN IN A CONVERSATION?” Came the gentle whisper.
I paused and waited for him to continue.
“HE’S TOO SMART FOR YOU. THE WISDOM OF THE DEVIL CANNOT BE DEFEATED BY CONVERSATION. EVE STARTED A CONVERSATION WITH THE DEVIL AND LOST THE BATTLE. WHEN SATAN CAME FOR JESUS, WHAT DID JESUS USE TO OVERCOME HIM?”
“The word of God!” I answered.
“THEN USE IT!”
To be continued…….
Brethren, you guys should pray for Cris oooo
Satan is seriously fighting here.
He doesn’t want to lose
Please share with me what you learnt in this episode.
I’m begging some of you who have chosen to be a ghost reader
Please don’t keep silent
Even if you don’t have anything to say. Just type a word of prayer for me.
