© Ayo Omolayo
“Cris, you need to understand that experience is the best teacher. Do you even think your mentor and her children are perfect Christians? Don’t you think there’s something they’re hiding from you? You need to realize that everytime you rise, you fall. That’s the way it has always been and that’s the way it would always be”.
“But I don’t want to stop trying!” I tried to argue.
“CRIS STOP TRYING! USE THE WORD OF GOD! HOW MUCH OF THE WORD OF GOD DO YOU KNOW?” Came that gentle voice.
I remembered how my mentor gave me cramming of scriptures as an assignment. She would send me ten scriptures in a week and at the end of the week, ask me to recite them. I never knew she was preparing me for this battle. I never knew a day like this would come.
“The word of God says in Job 14 verse 7. For there is hope of a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that the tender branch thereof will not cease.
Verse 8. Though the root thereof wax old in the earth, and the stock thereof die in the ground;
Verse 9. Yet through the scent of water it will bud, and bring forth boughs like a plant”.
So I don’t need to know if all hope is lost. As long as the word of god says a tree that has been cut down is not hopeless, I am not hopeless”, I replied.
“BEAUTIFUL!” Daddy said within me.
“Who’s talking about hope here. I’m talking about your perpetual rising and falling. You know very well that even if you rise again, you’ll definitely fall. What if you fall and you don’t rise again?
“The bible says in Micah 7:8 Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD shall be a light unto me.
So don’t think I will not arise. The word of God has already assured me that in the book of Proverbs 24:16 For a righteous man falleth seven times, and riseth up again”, I replied.
“Look at you? Righteous! You of all people? How can you call yourself a righteous person. Are you righteous?”
“Yes!” I replied.
“How?”
“It is written in the book of Romans 3:20. Therefore by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight: for by the law is the knowledge of sin.
Verse 21. But now the righteousness of God without the law is manifested, being witnessed by the law and the prophets;
Verse 22. Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference:
Verse 23. For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
Verse 24. Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:
I am not righteous because of my works of keeping the law. I am righteous through faith. Faith is the assurance of the things I hope for. I am assured because, the God who promised me righteousness, is not a man that he should tell lies.
I don’t live by facts, I live by faith. Cause the bible says the righteous shall live by faith. So, as long as I have the faith in God that it’s not my works that makes me righteous, but God’s grace through my faith. Then I am righteous, even when I’m the worst of sinner’s.
Because the bible made me to understand that it is not by power nor by might but by the Holy Spirit, the spirit of Grace. That doesn’t mean I should deliberately sin, but it means that I am righteous as long as I believe I am. I don’t need to check my report card to know if I’m righteous.
Did I tell a lie today? Did I lust after someone today? Did I steal? I don’t need that report card. All I need to believe is the report card of heaven which is the word of God. And it says that my righteousness is a product of faith. You may laugh at me because, physically I look like I’m lying.
That’s exactly how everyone laughed at Abraham when God called him a father of many nations and he didn’t have a single child. One year passed, two years passed, three, four, ten, fifteen, twenty and twenty-five. Yet the bible says he staggered not in faith. He believed God completely. Because God is never a liar. So I don’t wait for results. I believe the results because the man marking it has already ticked me 100%.
So I don’t need to look at how well I wrote the exam. I only have to believe the lecturer who promised he’ll score me high. Because Jesus has already paid for the scores. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t study hard for the exams by keeping the law. But it’s not the law that made me pass. It was Jesus, who paid for my grades.
So I am righteous, through faith. I don’t need to verify by looking at my life. The bible says I should look unto Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith”.
I could feel unusual strength, surging through my body. The voice went mute for a while.
“But what if you fall again?”
“I don’t think so!”
“Why! Because the bible says, pray that ye do not fall into temptation. I have discovered the antidote. I will pray till I die praying. And even if I fall, I will arise again. That’s what the bible says
So I will pray and stand firmly. But I still won’t forget that it’s not my keeping the law of praying always that would keep me from falling. But it’s the grace of God through faith in him, that he is able to keep me from falling.
I couldn’t hear that accusing voice anymore. I waited, but the guy wasn’t saying anything.
“STOP WAITING FOR HIM. DO THE NEEDFUL”.
I was confused.
“What’s the needful?”
“WHAT WAS THE LAST THING JESUS TOLD SATAN AFTER THE 3 TEMPTATIONS?”
“He told him to get lost!”
“CRIS THAT’S TOO HARSH!” I could hear him laughing within me.
I was shocked. Why would he be laughing with me at such a critical time like this?
“DISMISS HIM JARE”, he replied.
“Be gone Satan. I rebuke you”, I said and I felt like something left.
I felt light in my spirit. I felt my depression gone. There was this aura I couldn’t explain, engulfing me. I could feel excitement bulging within me.
“Lord Jesus! I’m so sorry for everything I did! I’m such a disappointment!”
“NO YOU’RE NOT! YOU’RE MY PRETTY EBONY! DARK AND BEAUTIFUL!” He said, interrupting me.
I was surprised. It was the first time he was using that new name. I was almost asking if that was a new name he got for me, when I paused. I remembered we have not been in good terms for a long time. I have done so many hurtful things to him. I didn’t deserve to smile around him. So I decided to maintain a straight face and make a well calculated confession of all my sins.
“WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO IMPRESS? THAT QUESTION YOU WANTED TO ASK, SAY IT”. He said.
“No sir! I can’t do that. I have an apology to make!”
“OKAY! GO ON!”
“I’m sorry I disappointed you. I’m sorry for everything I have done. Please forgive me!”
“DO YOU KNOW WHY CONFESSION IS IMPORTANT?”
“No”, I answered.
“FOR CONSCIENCE SAKE! TO EASE THE CONSCIENCE. DO YOU REMEMBER THAT THE FATHER WAS ALREADY HUGGING AND KISSING THE PRODIGAL SON BEFORE HE STARTED APOLOGIZING. JUST SEEING THE SON AFAR OFF, WAS ENOUGH TO CAUSE THE FATHER TO RUN AND EMBRACE HIS SON.
SO I RAN TODAY! WHEW! CRIS GET ME HAND FAN AND COME AND FAN ME!”
I wanted to laugh, but I resisted it.
“WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO ACT SPIRITUAL? WHEN DID FROWNING OR RESISTING THE JOY OF THE HOLY GHOST BECOME A WAY OF PROVING YOUR ARE SPIRITUAL?
YOU’RE IN THE PRESENCE OF YOUR DAD FOR THAT MATTER AND YOU’RE BEHAVING AS IF SMILING OR LAUGHING IN MY PRESENCE SHOWS UNSERIOUSNESS? WHO IS GIVING YOU ALL THESE IDEAS?
MANY CHRISTIANS TODAY RESIST THIS ASPECT OF GOD THINKING THEY’RE TRYING TO ACT SPIRITUAL. WHO IS GOD TO YOU? YOUR BOSS OR YOUR BEST FRIEND! AT LEAST, EVEN IF YOUR FRIEND IS DANGOTE, THE RICHEST MAN IN AFRICA. YOU LAUGH TOGETHER WHEN YOU’RE IN A CONVERSATION.
WHO PICTURED GOD TO YOU AS ONE OVER SERIOUS PERSON. IF YOU LAUGH YOU’RE A SINNER. IF YOU SMILE DURING QUIET TIME, YOU’RE NOT SPIRITUAL. WHO TOLD YOU GOD DOESN’T PLAY?
WHAT IS LOVE OR A RELATIONSHIP IF THERE ARE NO JOKES AND LAUGHTER? CRIS, THIS IS A RELATIONSHIP, NOT A BUSINESS CONTRACT. WE ARE NOT HERE FOR A BUSINESS TRANSACTION. WE’RE HERE TO HANG OUT AND SPEND TIME WITH EACH OTHER.
STOP BEING MORE SPIRITUAL THAN ME! DON’T RESIST THE JOY OF THE HOLY GHOST. JOY IS ALSO PART OF MY EXPRESSION”.
“I’m sorry sir! I wasn’t expecting you to say anything nice to me because of how I had treated you”.
“CRIS! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR A WORD ABOUT YOUR SINS. I I FORGIVEN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!”
Hearing him say that caused excitement to rumble within me.
“Daddy! I’m so sorry for everything!”
“CRIS! I HAVE FORGIVEN YOU! YOU’RE MY BABY GIRL AND YOU’LL ALWAYS BE MY BABY GIRL! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH! WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I HEARD YOUR CUTE VOICE PRAYING TO ME?”
I burst into laughter. It was happening so fast. I had forgotten my hands were aching me badly. I was lost in the euphoria of Abba’s love.
“Daddy! How could you have forgiven me so easily? At least when you forgive someone, it takes a while to start relating with them like you did before they betrayed you”.
“HOW LONG DID IT TAKE ME TO START RELATING WITH PETER? EVEN BEFORE HE APOLOGIZED TO ME FOR GOING BACK TO HIS FISHING BUSINESS, I GAVE HIM SO MANY FISH. I DIDN’T ONLY PERFORM A MIRACLE AT THE SEA. I COOKED FOR PETER. CRIS YOU WERE NOT THERE. YOU REALLY MISSED.
ALL OF YOU THOUGHT THE ONLY THING JESUS COULD DO WHILE HE WAS ON EARTH WAS TO PREACH. CHAI! YOU PEOPLE DON’T KNOW THAT ANYTIME I ENTER THE KITCHEN, MY DISCIPLES START SALIVATING”.
I laughed so hard that tears flowed down my cheeks.
“Daddy! Do you mean it?” I asked.
“LOOK AT YOU! I COOKED FISH THAT DAY AND GAVE PETER TO EAT. TO CONCLUDE IT CRIS! I CAN’T HOLD GRUDGES. ITS NOT IN MY NATURE.
CRIS! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. I JUST CAN’T LET GO OF YOU”.
To be continued……
I know a God, who’s merciful and kind
Faithful and gracious
I’m the apple of his eyes
The thought that fills his heart
Every Morning, noon and night
He loved me when I didn’t care
And was patient till I came
Running back into his arms
Look how he turned my life around
Made me a shining star
His glory to reveal
I will worship Him forever
Love Him forever because
This God is too good oh
The part of this song that touches me so much is when the singer said,
“He loved me when I didn’t care
And was patient till I came
Running back into his arms”
I feel like crying! Someone, get me a handkerchief
Welcome home sister!
Merciful and loving Jesus!”
Is there any of you out there that has risen and fallen so much that you think coming home is a waste of time.
He’s too loving to leave you in the tormenting arms of the devil. He’s too loving not to forgive you, even though your sins are many.
Come back home!
