I don’t know when I started crying. I was crying like a baby on the express. I said to myself. “This time Onihaxy, u must teach this bastard a lesson she will never forget in her life…….
Just as i was standing infront of the bank and crying like someone who lost his dick, my fone rang. I looked at the screen and it was a friend named segun. I do call him “sege the guru” because is into blogging and ICT.
SEGE: ogbeni how far? Ur number no dey waka since yesterday
Me: sege how far
SEGE: I dey o. Wetin do ur voice, u no dey sound normal my guy, u dey sound like life fowl wey dey inside hot water. wetin do u?
ME: I have been duped by a woman i love so much.
SEGE: say wetin, abeg pick a bike dey come oba-ile right now.
I stoppd a bike going to oba-ile where segun lives. After 8mins. I am at segun’s room entrance
Me: ko ko ko
sege: who be that, come in.
I entered, sat down, then without wasting time, I summarized the whole episode to sege in 3minutes.
SEGE: “were ni e o” omo porta ti lo agbari fun e… Ode ni e
ME: no be my fault, this babe fine die and get assets for front and back. I just so much love her
SEGE: Ogbeni, you are the “baddest maga ever liveth”
me: thank u. Wetin i go come do now segun
SEGE: no worry, we go arrange collect part or the whole of that 10k from her, u go still straff her free for the next 2days and u go discharge her without giving a kobo
Me: is that possible, how i go do am now?
Just immediately, a message came in from adebimpe which says, “baby, i’m on my way back”. I showed it to sege.
He laughed and said to me. “ogbeni, if u fall again this time, then u don break world maga record”.
He opened a bulk sms application on his phone, draft an Access bank debit alert of 25k and send it to my line.
Me: what should i do with it
SEGE: ” Show it to her wen u reach house, tell her say ATM debit the whole 25k wey u wan give her and the money no come out of the machine, so u dey go the bank tomorrow to complain. But if she no fit wait, tell her say u get person wey u fit collect the money from and then call me make i show. We go dey write d script on whatsapp as u dey go. But make sure u clear the whatsapp chats after ooo “
I dashed out of segun’s house. I went home straight, on getting home, i met adebimpe sitting on the bed restless.
As i entered, she hugged me and gave me a kiss.
BIMPE: baby, u look unhappy, what happend?
Me: ** i brought out my fone and showed her the alert and then act the drama as directed by segun”*** bimpe wore a sad face
BIMPE: What do we do now? This is 11:08am and i must get to PHC today.
ME: ok relax, let me call a friend to borrow me 20k to give you, i will sort him when u are gone.
I picked up my phone and called segun to come. Bimpe hugged and kissed me again and said “u are a darling”. I asked of the surprise she promised earlier, she said i should wait till my friend leaves so that no one will disturb. I replied “ok”.
Segun arrived at about 10mins later.
ME: sege my guy. Pls i need ur help, my babe wan return to school today and ATM fucked up. Abeg borrow me 20k till tomorrow.
SEGUN: lai lai. The 8k wey u borrow last time, u neva return am and u wan collect another one?. I go give u the 20k only after u refund the previous 8k.
ME: Se na because of 8k u come dey disgrace me infront of my babe?. Abeg i go give u the two together.
SEGUN: lai lai, find means and give me the 8k first.
Then i turned to bimpe.
Me: bimpe, pls do u have 8k with you, let me give this guy so that he can give me the 20k
BIMPE: i dont have that amount, the only money on me is 5,500 and its a money that my friend gave me to buy weavon for her from lagos.
ME: Don’t worry, give me 5k out of it, since am giving you 20k in return, u can then sort your friend.
She gave me the 5k and i gave it to segun.
ME: Now wey i don give u 5k out of 8k, can u now help me?
SEGUN: Se u know say u be akue?. If not because of ur pretty girlfriend, i no go help u. Let me go home and bring the money, I will be back in 10mins time.
Immediately after segun’s departure, she gave me the surprise. We had a hot romance which led to one round of sweet sex.
It was obvious that she noticed that I wasn’t excited about the sex.
“What’s wrong baby?” Bimpe asked. Nothing, I replied.
Bimpe: Onihaxy, do you truly love me?
ME: why did u ask again?
BIMPE: I just want to be sure because you are the only guy I have in my life after breaking up with my ex. And I don’t want to suffer for love again.
ME: I assured you of my love *yinmu*
BIMPE:. Ok dear, let me get a shower and dress up while we are awaiting uncle segun.
She stood from the bed Unclad, she walked twisting the fresh fair Bottom as she opened the door to the bathroom .
I took my phone and checked my whatsapp messages. I got a message from sege. “Mr maga, flash me when u are with your girl. I will call you, make you put am for loud speaker, I want act another drama……………
3mins after that, segun called, i picked and put on loud speaker.
Me: sege how far?, where is the money now?
SEGUN: wahala don shele oo. As i dey come ur place the other time, i forget to lock my door, before I reach home, dem don carry my lappy and took all the 30k wey dey house.
ME: Eyah. So sorry oo. Abeg se u fit return that 5k, i go find means add to it give my babe?
SEGUN: U dey mad ni. **segun hung up the call.
*** after segun’s call*****
Bimpe: onihaxy, what is all this now?, how do I leave here now, your friend went home to bring money only for him to call that his house was robbed.
ME: I’m amazed too, infact, I don’t know what to do and I don’t know anybody else who can borrow me this money.
BIMPE: I must leave here today oooo, see the time now, its 11:52am already. I must leave here ooooooooo. Find something to do ooooo, ****she started bahaving funny******
ME: what do u suggest that I should do now?.
BIMPE: I don’t know ooooo. Just think of how you will get Tfare for me that will take me to PHC. Maybe you should call uncle segun back and beg him to refund that 5k, I will sort out how to get home myself.
ME: I’m not sure if segun will refund the money, but I think of something. Why not beg your cousin to borrow you the money. And when I send it to your account, you will refund back to him
BIMPE: I told you that my cousin is stingy and that we fought before my departure. Infact, when I went there to pick my school ID card, I gave him the best insults of his life. Dear, can you imagine what he said when I got there?
ME: what dear?
BIMPE: he said I should help him to fetch water from the well at the 5th house away from his house after he refused to give me money.
ME: but na waoo, that your cousin no dey try oooo. I wish to know him sha
BIMPE: pls no be dat one dey do me. Help me find means to reach PHC. Call uncle segun and beg him
ME: ok.
…..I picked my phone and dial sege’s number and placed it on speaker.
ME: sege, how far na, abeg help me with that 5k, my babe dey cry here and he wan comot today.
SEGE: I no fit drop am ooo, dem don thief the one wey I get for house so this 5k na the last thing on me.
ME: abeg help me now.
SEGE: ok wait, let me call Akin and talk to him, I will get back to you..and he hanged up.
….I don’t know who Akin is but I am sure SEGE is up to another drama.. After 2minutes, segun called back.
SEGE: guy, I don talk to akin. He say him fit try help u make u come meet am, but him talk say I must dey there as guarantor incase of wahala.
ME: no problem now, how we go waka abeg?
SEGE: come meet me for house and we go go together go meet akin. Hope money for bike dey your hand oooo, I no go pay for any bike oooo. Akin talk say him fit help you 10k.
ME: thanks, I will be on my way.
I hanged up, I opened my wallet and found out that I had just 200naira inside. I turned to bimpe.
ME: baby, there is another problem,
BIMPE: what is the problem again my dear, go and meet the so call akin now and get the money for me to leave here, its 12:09 already now
ME: I have just 200naira with me and if I should calculate the.fare from my house to segun’s house and from segun’s house to akin’s house, I will spend 600naira since segun is going with me.
BIMPE: ok, take this remaining 500naira with me and add it to the 200naira with you. Pls be fast and hurry up.
ME: ok ****i collected the 500naira, dashed out of the house, stopped a 50naira bike and went to meet sege……………………….
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