Before we knew what was happening, our lips were melting into each other. We were into each other like two Sex starved adults who just got the liberty to express themselves… The Alarm in my head was so loud, it sounded like the Ancient Church bell…I heard the voice… “ Stop it, Chuks you are about to go back to your vomit, you are about to disappoint Christ… Stop it Chuks…” But Oh Boy! One can not deny the enjoyment of that moment, as much as I wanted to stop, the feeling I was having was second to none, but it dropped in my heart… “ You have only 1% virtue left, are you about to lose the last virtue you have in you, because of this?” …. it felt like someone gave me a very good slap of reawakening on my face. My excitement reduced. Simultaneously another thing dropped in my heart again. Favour’s words she had spoken to me some days back… Favour had shared a scripture with me about SIN. “ Do you know that you committing sin does not change God from who He is, rather when God tells you not to commit sin, it is for your own safety and the safety of those who might be affected by your sin…Sin is like taking poison, whoever takes the poison is the affected one, though such a person’s parent may be unhappy after the death of the person, but the biggest loser is the person who took the poison…” Favour had explained sin to me using Job 35:6-8 “If you sin, how does that affect HIM? If your sins are many, what does that do to HIM? 7 If you are righteous, what do you give to him, or what does he receive from your hand? 8 Your wickedness only affects humans like yourself, and your righteousness only other people.” The place where I had marked this in my Bible came flashing before me as I still felt Favour’s lips on my lips… I knew if Sex happened between Favour and I, it was not going to affect God, but rather Favour and I. Favour was probably emotionally weak at the moment but should we have Sex now, it would affect her spiritually. I didn’t want her to loose the spirituality in her and besides I didn’t know if I still had elements of SEXRUSH in me. I wouldn’t want to destroy Favour by introducing SEXRUSH into her… I also thought of myself on how this one Sex could end everything for me… At that point, I pushed Favour from me. She looked away from me, highly embarrassed… “ I am sorry” I said and rushed into the room… I hated myself for slipping, I almost fell but thank God I didn’t. I paced around in the room, saying two things… “ I am sorry Jesus!, but thank you for helping me to stop!” Then the battle began… My Erection refused to go down, I jumped and ran around the room but all to no avail.. I desperately needed to have an intercourse and a voice kept whispering in my ears “ You can masturbate, no one is watching!” I couldn’t do that because I knew the implication. When I had my Spiritual googles, I had discovered that Masturbation was actually having sexual intercourse with an invisible being. It was still fornication. “ God, help me!” I cried out to God “ Your mind is occupied with the wrong thoughts, fill it up with the right thoughts” I heard this in my heart… What was that? I was to Change what I was thinking about?… How on earth was I suppose to think of anything else when I was having a hard on… “ Do you know the same part of the brain that thinks intelligently is the same part that is used for Sex and moreover, Lust reduces creative ability.” Uncle Friday’s words rushed back to my memory One of my teenage teachers had told us this in church years back. At that point I decided to use my brain intelligently for something else and not sexually. I picked up one of Mercy’s inspirational books… I started reading but dozed off… Chinaza was waiting for me in the dream with a wicked smile on her face but initially she used Favour’s face. “ Well… I have missed you!” Favour had said and this time around I lost my will power. Favour whose face later changed to Chinaza raped me in my dream.. I woke up just about 25 minutes later, at about 10:30 pm… My heart was broken. My few minutes of lust had opened the door again for Chinaza. I wept at the spiritual demotion, but I saw it as a time to make up my mind to do what was right… I packed some of the clothes Favour had bought for me in a nylon bag. I took the Bible she had bought for me and some Spiritual books she had bought for me as well. I waited till around 11pm when I knew she would be asleep to leave her house. Before I left, I wrote her a note which read.. “ If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride…I wish I could have stayed for you to help me grow into full maturity,but I know something terrible may happen. I have decided to take a walk and build on what you have created in me… You once told me to flee from all appearances of Evil, You told me to guard my salvation with fear and trembling… I was given a second chance and I don’t want to mess it up. Thank you Favour… I have no idea where I am going but you told me “God never leaves nor forsake the Righteous” . I trust God to watch over me. Once again, Thank you.” To be continued
