Tobi arrives home to a shouting match between him and his mother…… but before that, he had thought she was not aware he was back so he wanted to sneak to his room without attracting her attention but he was so shocked when she called him from the kitchen “Where have you been all these days” “It’s been only two days mother….I have been around and so alright” “Today is Monday and you never showed up in the office, what’s gotten into you” “Did you call to find out whether I was in office or not? are you spying on me motherNo….I was only curious so I called to find out” “I thought by now you should be well aware that when I’m not in the office, everything is well taken care of” “By who?… that incompetent accomplice you call your PA” “Jane has never been incompetent and neither has she ever given me any reason to doubt her competence” “Of course, why wouldn’t you defend her if your latest profession is defending and fighting for women” “Mother please, can’t I come home for a well deserved welcome for once at least a year” “Then start behaving in the appropriate way or forever forever about that…this is not why I was waiting for you, I want to know where you have been, what you have been up to lately and why you chose to embarrass me in that way” “Sorry but I don’t know what you’re talking about” “Of course you do….you’re well aware of that” “You’re not getting any word out of me mother….I’m so tired and I need to rest after a long day…. the same way you learnt the information is the same way you can get the rest of the details” “I will get to the bottom of this I swear” he chooses to ignore her and walk to his room………… Days turned to weeks and Tobi and Mel’s friendship grew stronger, he has a been a very great help in her healing journey, she still has those nightmares and still hurt but at least she’s beginning to heal, their bond grew stronger too…..she had hoped Ron would come look for her so he can explain what really happened but her hope about ever sitting down and talking to him dashed when she got to learn that he travelled but where he travelled is something she doesn’t even know…..it hurt her so much to get to know finally that he has easily forgotten her but what can she do, she only hopes to forget him too…… Today Melanie received a very Early call from Tobi saying she should get ready he’s coming to pick her to go visit the psychologist that was recommended to him, she didn’t want to accept anymore favour and help from him because she had no way of paying him back, and she’s a pregnant woman whose pregnancy is growing and showing by the day and she’s afraid soon his business rivals will start to use this as away of bringing him down but Tobi says he just wants to be there and help her when no one can just as a big brother would so she wakes up and makes quick breakfast, she waits for Tobi who didn’t even waste time to come pick her……….they leave for the Beach, they arrived at the office of this jolly beautiful woman who welcomes them with a smile on sighting them, she’s a little unsettled and uneasy because she’s not sure if she’s ready to share her story with another stranger….it had taken everything in her to open up to Tobi who suggested they seek help so she can heal completely but she’s not sure if she can trust this woman, Tobi notices her anxiety and squeezes her hand gently to make her relax “You can trust me young lady and tell me your story, I’m here to help you and your story is safe with me” Mel gathers her courage and narrates her painful story and how it left her amid tears, the woman just keeps quiet only taking notes she only spoke when Mel was done “What you’re suffering from now is trauma…..you see my dear, the trauma of being raped or sexually assaulted can be shattering leaving one feeling scared, ashamed and alone….it can leave one plagued by nightmares, flashbacks and other unpleasant memories but I want to tell you, no matter how bad you feel right now, it’s very important to always remember you weren’t to blamed for what happened, you can gain your sense of safety and trust” “How can that be possible…. I have tried to assure myself so many times that it’s the case but I have some permanent things that will always remind me of my experience” “What permanent things…” “The pregnancy and the permanent scars and bruises on me…this experience has left me totally shattered and broken beyond repair” “Melanie….. when you visit the labour award in every hospitals, you find women who are going through labour pains or delivery swearing to God that they will never get pregnant again ever but come back after one year or two, you find her heavily pregnant yet again…..that’s what we call healing, you heal and forget, it will be like looking back at the road full of thorns and you wonder ‘did I really pass through that road? unbelievable right?…….. Mellooks like she’s getting this point ” Melanie don’t say after two months of doing this therapy that just because you still experience those horrible nightmares that this never helped because you will relapse… understand that, recovering from a sexual trauma takes time and the healing process again can be so painful…… but with the right strategies and support, you can move past the trauma, you can rebuild your sense of control and self worth…. you will even come out of it feeling stronger and more resilient ” “Do others who went through the same painful experience also feel what I’m feeling” “Yes…maybe even worse, you see….regardless of age and gender, the impact of sexual violence goes far beyond any physical injuries……when raped, the world doesn’t feel like a safe place anymore….. you no longer trust others, you don’t even trust yourself….. you may question your judgement, your self worth and even your sanity, you may blame yourself for what happened or believe you’re dirty and damaged…. relationships may feel dangerous, intimacy becomes impossible and on top of that like many rape survivors, you may struggle with anxiety and depression” Mel gets up and starts to pace up and down, she’s sure she is just there “I don’t think I’m understanding you miss…what I feel is deep, it planted in my system and yes you’re right, I’m struggling with myself and I want to forget this yet I just can’t” the lady gets up too, she holds her hand “Melanie you can’t say that…remember you trusted a stranger when the only man you loved abandoned you, a stranger rescued you and you agreed to go with him to where you didn’t even know… that’s a big step that indicates you were already healing because of the support everyone gave you, you only had a relapse when the wedding couldn’t take place but I’m hopeful you can get there with the right support” she leads her back to the chair “How about this child I’m carrying….I’m not sure if I want to have it even” “In most cases many victims would say they want to abort the pregnancy” Tobi’s eyes widen as the woman continued, that’s the last option he wants to think about….his child can’t be aborted “But I would not encourage that, you may feel that’s the best thing to do at this point because you think the baby will only remind you about what happenedbut let me tell you, I have seen cases where the mother gets attached to the baby and their bond grows when the baby is still in the womb and by the time they come into this world, she will see it as something that should live for and refuse to be separated from the baby….but right now what I can say is, keep the baby and give birth, you can give him or her up for adoption later if you still don’t wish to have anything to do with it when that time comes” Mel is quiet and processing all this just and the woman continues “Sweetheart, what you’re going through right now…. what you’re currently experiencing is a normal reaction to trauma, your feeling of helplessness, shame, defensiveness and self-blame are symptoms not reality…. no matter how difficult it may seem right now, you can and will come to terms with what happened and learn to heal and move on with your life normally…..see, when your body goes through something stressful, your body temporarily goes into ‘fight-or-fight’ mode but when the threat passes, your body calms down……traumatic experiences like rape can cause your nervous system to become stuck in a state of high alert….you become hyper sensitive to the smallest stimuli…. this is the Case for many rape survivors especially in the first few months following the assault but if your nervous system remains stuck in the long run, you may develop posttraumatic disorder” she’s serious when she says this and deep down Tobi prays it doesn’t get to this……
To be continued…
