Teaching By: Pst Iroko Minasu
The word relationship means connection or association And Conflict means disagreement. The two word can (conflict and relationship) never b merged, hence, the need to manage or resolve them. 1cor. 6:1-11 Paul cited a case abt disagreement between two believers. And advised that this should not be and that if it happen, then it is a thing of shame. We are laying emphasis on two believers of opposite sex here Gen 2:24-25Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. And they were BOTH NAKED, the man and his wife, and they were not ASHAMED. Notice the words in block letters, Meaning that b4 they came together, each one has package himself or herself well. But once they came together (relationship), they were naked I.e their weakness became evident. But the goodnews is that d bible says that despite d disclosure of their nakedness (weakness), they were still not ashamed, Meaning that they were able to manage or resolve their weakness.A perfect relationship is not the one without conflict.. Because there will always be, but one with which d conflict is well managed or resolved. Now what are d causes of conflict in a relationship.
1) Difference in interest: One partner may prefer one thing while the other does not; one may like black while d other white
2) Non challant attitude or selfishness: I.e self centered motive… I or Me..not we or us
3) Misplaced priority
4) Third party: Concern for in laws over ur partner, Friends counsel at d expense of your partner’s interest, Influence from parent… E.t.c
5) Divided attention: Busy with other things when ur partner want u most, Lack of understanding
6) Stepping on each others ego.
7) Distrust, And so on
Before I talk abt resolving or managing conflict, I will like to talk about ways by which such conflict can b avoided in the first place. Prevention they say, is better than cure. Five ways to avoid Conflict. (Prov. 22:3. The prudent man foresees evil and hides himself. But d simple pass on, and are punished).
1) Enquiry I.e ask a lot of questions. This will bail you out of unforseen trouble, U get to knw ur partner..his/her likes and dislikes, How he/she want his/her things done
2) Major on your partner’s likes
3) Sacrificially do away with his/her dislikes
4) Consideration/overlooking minor things. And never talk abt it again, It is not every small small thing u should b majoring on..If u dnt overlook sometimes, it show how immature you are
5) Get his/consent or approval: Remember the we or us principle…not the I or Me only.If u can’t avoid making conflict oocur…then, here are the ways to resolve it
FOUR WAYS TO MANAGE OR RESOLVE A CONFLICT IN RELATIONSHIP
1) CORRECTION: A soft answer turns away wrath. But grievous words stir up anget. Your approach in correcting really matters, If ur partner offends u..ensure to tell him, its very important, don’tt bottled it up if it hurts you, speak out, Don’t sink it in, that could be very dangerous, Because unconsciously to you, you may be acting strangely based on that offense, Please look for a convenient time to tell him or her, remember I said ur approach matters alot, If it does not hurt u and u can bear it..then, keep quiet about it and Never mention it again to avoid issues, But if it hurts you and you can’t bear it..then you need to speak out, Always correct eachother.
2) Forgiveness: Mt. 6:14-15 Forgiveness should not be distanced from any of the partner, Be willing to always forgive wholeheartedly, It will refresh d connection between both of you again.
3) Adjustment: Don’t always claim right. Sometimes you accept that you are wrong just for peace to reign..this is wisdom. Over time, if your partner later comes to discover that you were right but chose to accept to be wrong, then he/she will regard you more in his/her heart. Listen to what Phil. 2:3 says…but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Sink this in please I.e denying yourself for the benefit or enjoyment of ur partner. This is real love, the bible says thatGreater love has no man than this.. that a man lay down his life for his friend
4) Stay Upright: This is the height of managing or resolving conflict in relationship. Especially if you are married, Irrespective of your partner’s attitude.. What he/she does or what he/she does not.. that should not in any way affect ur commitment or allegiance to him/her. This what is called Agape love ( the God kind of love). 1Pet. 3:8-9 Jesus told us to love our enemies, and I don’t think ur partner is one, even if he/she is..our Lord and Savior told us to love.
Conclusively both partner should always use graceful or complementary words to each other, Like:…Please, Thanks, I’m sorry. This should not be far from your mouth. And don’t just say it…let it reflect in ur attitude immediately.
Thanks for reading up… God bless you all
