© Ayo Omolayo
I sat down on the floor one of my hand in my head. My hair was just a complete mess. Who cares about the hair? It’s completely glaring that God wasn’t going to kill me. So what’s the new plan? I don’t know what exactly is going on with me?
I had to do something to help myself. I remembered how I used to get myself out of my senses in the past. How did we do it back then? Alcohol! Yes! That’s how we did it. Whenever I and my friends were so depressed, we would drink to stupor to knock ourselves out of our senses.
But how do I get some of that stuff? There was no trace of alcohol around my house anymore. I guess I’ll have to send Evelyn to get some for me. No, I can’t! She would be so shocked such a request came from my mouth.
If I need some acholic drinks, I’d better go get some myself. What was the first step? I had to get myself dressed as soon as possible to go a nearby bar and get drunk.
I don’t know where I got the energy from. I waw struggling with my prayers, but immediately it was time to go back to sin, energy came. I rose up like a lady ready for action. I had to at least do something to my messy hair. So I spent sometime to pack it and hold them together with a string.
What about my bath? Nah! I’ll do that later. I was in a hurry I cannot explain. Who was rushing me to go and drink alcohol? Who? Why was I in such a hurry? This is something I don’t understand. I sprayed perfume on myself to make myself smell good. I just needed to taste alcohol as quickly as I could.
I rushed out of the room and told Evelyn to prepare something light for breakfast. I got into my car and drove to a bar. A classic bar around my area. I was sure no one there would recognize me, so I sat down immediately I entered.
“Miss Kolapo!” I heard someone call.
I turned to look and tried to remember where I saw that face. Obviously, I couldn’t remember the face. He came closer and sat down with me.
“Wow! I never thought I would meet you again. I was surprised!” He said smiling.
Yes I remember him now. He’s the psychiatric doctor Maggie called to treat me at my office. What’s that his name again? Yes! Doctor Francis!
“It’s so nice to meet you again woman of God”, he said as he said as we both shook hands together.
“So what do you need, let me get it for you!” He asked.
As badly as I wanted to taste my alcohol, I dared not tell him what I wanted. I was not supposed to be seen in a place like this to begin with. So how did I get here? What must he be thinking about me right now?
Perhaps he’s trying to confirm his doubts by asking me what I wanted. He’s going to figure out I was here to get drunk by ordering what I want. I may have gone so far to bring myself here, but my reputation as a child of God was more important than anything right now. I can’t lose that now.
I stood up immediately.
“Actually! I came here hunting for a guy!” I started a line of made up lies.
“Hunting? You hunt for drunken men and take them home for the night?” He asked.
“God forbid! I’m engaged to a man I would be getting married to. How would you think such negative thing about me?” I said expressing my displeasure.
“I’m sorry about that! Please forgive me!”
“Why would you think I pay men to warm my bed? What kind of imagination is that?”
“I just said I’m sorry!”
“And you expect me to forgive you because you said you were sorry?”
“What else do you want me to do?”
I exhaled. Cris! I don’t like this version of you ooo! What’s happening? Control yourself please!
“It’s alright! I’m out of here”, I said and took my purse.
“Wait!” He called and I paused.
“So you came here hunting for who? I need clarity, so I don’t have the wrong impression about you!”
I turned to him and gave him a cold stare.
“Think all you want. I don’t owe you an explanation. I don’t care what you think about me. We were supposed to meet again, but you never called since the day you left my office. I don’t know what kept you from calling me but it’s fine by me. Whenever you are ready, feel free to call me. Just wanted to remind you”, I said and walked out of the bar.
I can’t believe he would take me for a harlot. I was so angry, but I couldn’t blame him for thinking that way. I was not supposed to be seen in a place like that. I entered my car and drove back to my house. I had lost my appetite for beer. I don’t know who I may meet at the next bar I would step into. I don’t want to lose my temper and make a fool of myself.
I sat down on the sofa in my master’s bedroom. I had to eat something, but I just wasn’t ready for anything yet.
I noticed the room was hot. I was already beginning to sweat. I was feeling too uncomfortable in the room. Did I turn off the AC?
I quickly stood up to turn it on. But from where I stood, I could see it was working. Ha! What kind of heat was this?
My air-conditioning was on the wall at the other end of the room, so I had to go around my bed to get to it. I moved around and saw a human being on the floor of my room.
I jumped back in fright.
“Jesus!” I exclaimed.
I had left the TV on the news stations and the sound system overpowered my ears. I rushed to get my remote and turned it off.
Then I started hearing the voice of that one person I never expected here. What was she doing here? How did she get here? How come no one told me?
She was blasting in tongues on the floor. How could she leave her busy schedule to come here to pray in my room? Perhaps she came to see me and when she discovered I wasn’t in the house, decided to spend her time wisely.
I had tears in my eyes as I watched her groaning passionately for me.
“Kings shall arise from you and nations shall arise out of your bosom. Satan knows what he’s up against and will never stop fighting for the thinest loophole.
But Lord! This daughter of mine will not be sacrificed as meat for Lucifer. I call her spirit out of the cage where the enemy had locked her up. Cristina! Hear me clearly! You don’t have a choice! You will serve this God till you die!
No power will be able to hold you down. No power will keep you bound. You shall continue to wax stronger and stronger in the Lord. Your back will never touch the ground in defeat”.
I broke into tears and cried loudly. Sure, she heard and stood up immediately. She was dripping out sweat as she walked. Her sweat rained on me as she picked me up from the floor.
She placed my head on her chest and patted my back as I wept in her arms.
“Cris! Jesus would never had sent me here, if he was done with your life. He’s arms are widely opened. Going to the bar is not the solution. It’s going back into the waiting arms of Jesus!
That’s the reason why many people are going into masturbation, pornography, casual intimacy with strangers, alcoholism, drugs, gambling. Anything to distract them from the pain they’re feeling.
Jesus is the answer for the world today. Above him there’s no other. Jesus is the way! Jesus is the answer for the world today. Above him there’s no other. Jesus is the way!” She sang.
“Mummy! I’m a failure! God had invested so much on me. He had taught me so much that my generation would be shocked at what God has done in me. But look at what a failure I have been?
I’m such a waste of divine investment. Mummy! I’m no use to God! I have sinned so many times. I have hurt him so often. I don’t deserve his forgiveness”. I wept.
“Cris! If God were to grant us salvation based on how much we deserve it, no one would be saved. If God were to save the lost on the grounds of who was more deserving of his forgiveness, we would all be lost.
We never deserved God and will never be. He came to us out of love and mercy. He offered us a new life not because we deserved it, but because he loves us. So who told you that you must deserve God before he can forgive you?
The bible says in Hebrews 8:12. For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.
He’s ready to forgive you and accept you. Despite all you have done and do you know what?”
“What?”
“He’s not just going to forgive you. Here’s the best part. The bible says we are justified by his blood. Do you know what it means to be justified?
“I don’t think I do”, I answered.
“In the court, when the judge forgives a man, he may be released. But he will have to lower his face around people and walk in shame. Because he was guilty but forgiven.
But in the court, when a man is justified. The judge announces to the court that this man is hereby declared innocent of all the charges laid against him and stamps it.
Can you imagine Cris? God has not only forgiven you, but he calls you an innocent baby girl! His harmless little dove”, she said and squeezed my nose.
I didn’t know how a smile appeared on my face.
“Oh my God! Satan is such a big liar! Satan is such an accuser! Satan really takes advantage of the ignorance of a Christian. No wonder! Ha! No wonder God said that my people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. The bible is such a gift to man. Many of us fail to read it. Ha! Satan! You have really done alot of damage through the ignorance of many of us”.
I wept in my mentor’s arms, but they were not tears of regret, they were tears of joy.
“Cris! God takes away your sins and place them on Jesus. Then takes the righteousness of Jesus and places it on you. So when he looks at you. He doesn’t see that fornicator. He sees a beautiful and harmless baby girl. A righteous and wonderful Princess of the most high.
No he doesn’t see that masturbator, that liar, that cheater, that alcoholic, no! He sees a righteous and innocent lady. Abba’s love! The love of his life!”
“Sweet Daddy! I’m so sorry for everything! I believe you have forgiven me. There’s no sin on earth that is too powerful for the blood of Jesus to wash away. There’s no power that is greater than what is written in your word. Your blood is so powerful. It turns a masturbator into a saint. It justifies me and declares me innocent.
Thank you so much sweet Daddy!”
Immediately, the peace that flooded my soul was out of this world. Joy took over me in such an overwhelming way.
“He touched me!
Oh he touched me!
And oh! The joy that filled my soul!
Something happened and now I know.
He touched me and made me whole!” My mentor began to sing.
I joined her in the song and we both began to sing it together.
“WELCOME BACK MY PRETTY EBONY!” Came the gentle voice I had missed so badly.
“Daddy! Where have you been?” I asked within me.
“I NEVER LEFT. YOU WERE THE ONE THAT LEFT ME. DO YOU REMEMBER IT WAS THE PRODIGAL SON THAT LEFT THE HOUSE AND NOT THE FATHER LEAVING THE HOUSE FOR HIM?
YOU LEFT, BUT I RAN AFTER YOU.
Song of Solomon 3:1 By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not.
Verse 2. I will rise now, and go about the city in the streets, and in the broad ways I will seek him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not.
Verse 3. The watchmen that go about the city found me: to whom I said, Saw ye him whom my soul loveth?
Verse 4 It was but a little that I passed from them, but I found him whom my soul loveth: I held him, and would not let him go, until I had brought him into my mother’s house, and into the chamber of her that conceived me.
I AM SO HAPPY I FOUND MY LOST ANGEL! MY BABY GIRL!”
Overwhelmed with joy, I laid on the floor in gratitude.
“Thank you Jesus! Thank you so much!”
To be continued…..
You may be Christiana Kolapo. You may have risen and fallen so many times. And all you think about is how much of a disgrace and disappointment you have been to God.
Here’s what God has to say to you.
John 6:37 All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.
The Message translation says John 6:37. Every person the Father gives me eventually comes running to me. And once that person is with me, I hold on and don’t let go.
Here’s what the Amplified version says.John 6:37. All whom My Father gives (entrusts) to Me will come to Me; and the one who comes to Me I will most certainly not cast out [I will never, no never, reject one of them who comes to Me].
He says he will never reject whoever comes to him. Why do you keep allowing Satan tell you that you don’t deserve him?
Is it Satan you will spend the rest of your life with in hell?
Run to Jesus now and watch him throw a welcome party for you.
Please don’t be a Ghost reader! Say a word of gratitude to God for his endless love for all mankind.
