© Ayo Omolayo
As I came out of the pastor’s office, I met Chris sitting down.
He stood up without a word, taken by my sad facial expression.
“Are you okay?” He asked, but I didn’t answer.
He made to come close up I held up my hand in restraint. Pausing in his tracks, he asked the same question and this time I knew I had to answer sooner than later.
“Chris, I don’t think we can…….”
“Shush! Shhhhh”, he interrupted.
“Let’s go! This is no place to talk, we’ll talk in the car”, he said and turned around without looking at me.
Was he finally ready to say goodbye? Pastor Kunle had just given me the biggest warning of my life. God loved me this much to go after me despite my stubbornness. It’s time to take the right decision.
I sighed and looked at the door I had just closed behind me.
“Thank you!” I said in a whisper.
Each step I took reminded me of all the times I had spent with Chris. The days we hanged out and had fun together. It was finally time to settle down and raise a family and here were the obstacles. Actually, not obstacles really. God was showing me the future and he wasn’t part of it.
All I had to do was to let go. God had plans for me and I must follow it. But why is it that my heart is so set on loving a man that God doesn’t want for me? Why can’t I close my eyes and walk away. This was a heavy burden on my back and it’s a pity that I wasn’t willing to hand it over to Jesus for help.
Sharon my younger sister is 23. She got married last year. I’m 32 and heading for 33 in 4 months time. I’m losing time here. When is God going to settle me maritally? My little sister is already miles away with the man of her dreams. Here I am struggling with getting married to the man I love.
Why was God disturbing my plans? My little sister got born again a few months before I did and was allowed to get married. I mean God allowed her to marry the man she fell in love with. She was already crushing on him before her conversion. Yet God allowed it. Someone she loved before she knew Jesus. Isn’t God supposed to wipe away her old life completely and start a new one for her?
But God allowed everything and smiled at their wedding photo. I was there also wishing when my Chris and I would be joined together. He never objected at first. But now, he’s acting like an enemy. He’s fighting me from doing what I want to do with my life.
Wait, aren’t we humans free moral agents? Aren’t to make decisions anymore? So why’s God trying to boss my life? It’s my life and I can do it the way I want.
“Are you sure it’s your life? Did you ask for it? Wait, did you tell God you wanted to become a human being and so your wish was granted? Wasn’t it God who had a plan in mind and needed a human being to achieve it, so he created Cris and sent her to this world? How come she arrived the earth and starts fighting what she came to do on earth? How come she arrived and started claiming it’s her life? How come she arrived the earth and started claiming she’s the owner of the breath of life she only received from God?
Who is really the one messing things up? Who is really scattering plans? Who is the one making demands here? God or you?” Came the gentle whisper within me.
I paused in my tracks and tried to digest those words. I felt frustrated. I felt stuck, with nowhere to run to. Why me?why all these? Why can’t I live my normal life again?
“Normal life? Cris can you hear yourself? You call the life of the mentally retarded lady a normal life? You called on God and he showed up. But it appears you only loved his miracles, you don’t love him. It’s just like a lady who is dating a guy because of his money and not because she actually loves him. She only wants what he can give. That’s what you’re doing to your God”.
“Stop it! I know I love God. I know in my heart that I truly love him”.
“How?”
“Don’t ask me that question. I know I love God!”
“If you love me, keep my commandments! That explains how much you love him right?”
“I love him. It’s just that, that, that……”
“That what? You fornicated and covered it with the blanket of lies. You tell lies without feeling guilty. You tricked your pastor to believe that Chris is actually born again when you know he’s not a genuine child of God. So much display of how you love God.
Matthew 15:8. This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me.”
I almost screamed in frustration. What is wrong with me? Why am I too adamant.
“If this was what Christianity was all about, I wouldn’t have opted for it at all? I would have gladly remained a mentally retarded lady. That was a better life than this one I’m struggling to live”, I said in a whisper.
“Wow! I’ve heard that before. You’re not the first person to say that. That was exactly what the children of Israel told me after they left Egypt. When they suffered the bondage of the Egyptians, they cried to me for help.
I looked down upon them in mercy and sent Moses to them. What did I not do for those people? I fought against the most powerful army in Earth. Egypt was like the U.S. Army in those days. Deadly and never knew defeat. I singlehandedly fought for them promising them that till they die their eyes will never see what an Egyptian looks like.
Not a single Israelite drew out a sword in that battle. All I told them was to be spectators of the destruction of Pharaoh’s Army and entertain themselves. They were grateful to me for the deliverance, just as you are. But when the rigors of life in the wilderness showed up, they said they were going back to Egypt.
They looked me in the eye and told me that when they were whipped by Egyptian taskmasters, suffering like animals, building cities for Pharaoh was better than the deliverance I offered them. Daring me, they were bold enough to pick up stones and stone my servant Moses, just to have their way.
Cris, I’m not here to force you to do my will. Feel free to choose, I’m only trying to protect you from the consequences of what this path you’re about to take would bring you. But if you’re feeling what I am doing to you is evil, tell me to leave you alone and painfully,I will grant you your desire”.
I knelt down and broke into tears. How could God love me this much to allow me have my way?
“Lord please don’t leave me! Part of me wants to do your will but the other part wants something different. I’m struggling between two personalities. I need you Lord! If you leave me where would I go? I can’t survive one day without you. Please don’t leave me for the devil to destroy.
“Then are you ready to obey me?” Came the gentle whisper.
“Yes!” I said.
“Then here’s the first step. Go out there and enter your car. Drive home straight. Then in the comfort of your house, give Chris a call and tell him it’s over between the two of you”.
With zeal surging through my body, I got up and opened my purse to pull out my car keys. I really understood the message. The last time I tried breaking up with Chris was a disaster. And that was because I tried doing it face to face with him. The best way to avoid getting weak was to do it on phone. It that way, my emotions won’t overpower me.
As soon as I stepped out of the building, Chris opened his car door and stood up.
“What took you so long?” He asked.
“I’m sorry!” I apologized.
“Okay! So get into the car so we can talk”.
“Give me a few minutes”, I said as I went for my car.
He nodded in agreement and sat back in his car, leaving the door opened.
As soon as I got into my car, I turned on the ignition and turned around.
Chris noticed and stepped out of his car to be sure what was going on.
I headed for the streets without wasting time.
“Cris! What’s going on?” He shouted, but I wasn’t ready to listen.
I drove as fast and as safely as I could. My phone was ringing non stop all through the drive home.
As soon as I parked my car in my compound, I picked up my phone and answered Chris.
“Hey! I don’t understand what is going on here. Please help me understand! What was the meaning of the drama you just pulled out?” Chris ranted.
“Chris! Hear me clearly! It’s over between us. We can’t be together anymore. It’s good bye forever Chris. I do hope you find another woman better than me in the future”, I said and ended the call.
I quickly called my driver and told him not to allow Chris into the compound anymore.
He agreed and returned to his post.
I took out my phones and switched them off immediately.
“Lord! Help me to release him completely! I don’t want to throw him away and minute, I’m looking for him”, I whisper.
To be continued…….
Sometimes when we read about the children of Israel and their attitude towards God, we are like, what’s wrong with this people?
That’s the problem. It’s like a girl dating a rich guy because of his money.
They only loved the miracles God gave them. They never loved the God who gave the miracles
Can we take our time and whisper to God.
“Lord please help me never to exploit you. May I never find myself taking advantage of my relationship with you.
Deuteronomy 30:6. And the LORD thy God will circumcise thine heart, and the heart of thy seed, to love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, that thou mayest live.
Can we make this scripture a prayer point
Oh Lord circumcise my heart.
Go ahead and pray!
INSPIRED BY THE BREAD OF LIFE
WRITTEN BY AYO OMOLAYO
YOUR BROTHER IN CHRIST
